But Then, Goodbyes Aren’t Simple

Dear Emma,

Oh, screw simple goodbyes.

Yeah, I definitely can’t leave without rambling one last time. I really don’t think I would be able to do it, and I’m pretty sure you are all used to it by now.

I have been wrestling with this decision all summer, because I was really proud of this blog and most of the things that I’ve created. I’ve spent a year and a half making posts and gathering followers and I’ve really really enjoyed every minute. I just didn’t want to throw it away.

The reason I’m choosing to stop this blog is simple: I don’t feel happy with my blog anymore. I feel too much pressure in what I’m posting, I feel like it’s too open and I can’t be honest. I’ve also unintentionally managed to create my blog around someone else – trust me, the amount of time I’ve been called Emma is unreal. I know that sounds really petty but I would really like to build my own identity.

I’ve met some amazing amazing new friends and genuinely lovely people; this community is a pretty special place here on the internet. I won’t mention many names but I really have made a friend for life in Elm. We’ve been friends for almost two years now and I’ve enjoyed every second. I could say so much about so many specific people because you have all been lovely, but I can’t say some and not others. Everyone here is so friendly, welcoming and damn talented.

Which is why I know I couldn’t leave completely.

Yes, I’m leaving Letters to Emma, but I will be starting another, brand-new blog, probably sometime soon, and that blog will be the one where I can finally talk about what want to talk about, rather than what I think I should talk about.

I am scared, because I will be completely starting again, and who knows how much of a success this new blog will be. I sure as hell don’t.

I won’t be posting the link or URL to my new blog here, because I really am starting again, but I will be telling my blogging friends, and if you are here on WordPress and you know me, I’m sure our paths will be crossing again sooner than you think.

However, if you do see me and think that I’m me, (sorry for the terrible English), please don’t just come out and say it – I do want this anonymity to last for a short while at least. You can message me and ask, but don’t leave it anywhere where everyone can see it.

I just want to say a massive thank you to all of you who are reading this right now, and thank you to all the people who have read, commented on or favourited my posts over the years. You are all such incredibly incredibly lovely people, and I am honoured that you took time out of your lives to read my ramblings on a blog in a small corner of the internet.

It’s weird. I started this blog as a girl of fourteen, not really sure how the world works and a mediocre writer of stories and blog posts.

Now I’m sixteen, I know a little bit more about how the world works, and I’d like to think that my writing skills have improved.

I’m at a new house, heading into a new chapter of my life, and I will always remember this blog as my first, regardless of what else I do in my life. I’ll miss you, everyone. It’s been fun.

Tara, did you really split your goodbye post into two parts just so your post total could reach 100 before you left?

Yes, yes I did.

 

Love from,
Tara

XXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Long Time, No See

Dear Emma,

Wow, it’s been a long time since I wrote those words. What is it, almost three months? That’s definitely way too long.

I’m slightly scared, to be honest, because I’ve basically forgotten what it’s like to blog, and I honestly feel like I’m starting again. Obviously that’s not true, because I still (hopefully) have all of you guys who’ve followed me, but I’m still vaguely intimidated. Especially seeing as I managed to somehow get more than 200 followers during my period of hiatus – thank you guys so much for that – which means that for a lot of you, this is the first time you’re reading a post I’ve written since you followed me.
So the pressure’s on for me.

I’m also slightly concerned about how easy it was for me to go on such a long hiatus; I remember when Elm and I planned our exam hiatus together, but then she lasted about two, three weeks – correct me if I’m wrong – but then I managed to stop for almost three months? And throughout that time, I grew quite unattached to my blog.

I’m not sure why or if I even wanted to, I just don’t think it’s the kind of blog I’d like to have right now. It just doesn’t seem right, and I’ll probably try to figure out what’s missing as best I can. I really don’t want to give up on this blog, because I’m still proud of a lot of my posts, and I definitely like my other blog, because it’s focused on one of my passions.

But I’m also pretty sure that all these doubts have come into my head over the past few months because I’ve forgotten what it’s like to continue blogging, so I’m not going to listen to them and just try to get back into posting regularly and connecting with the community like I used to.

Re-reading my old posts, even the ones from a few months ago, is really strange. I feel like I’ve changed a lot, and to be fair, a lot has happened in my life which I’ll have to talk about at some point soon.

But, I’m back to stay, for now at least.

How have you guys been doing? I’ve really missed the community and I promise I’ll be more active from now on.

Love from,
Tara

XXX

I Tried, I Really Did

Dear Emma, 

I’m back! Did you miss me? 

Probably not, because my so-called “hiatus” lasted the exact same amount of time that I normally leave between posts, so it probably felt like nothing.

I did try to stay on hiatus, I really did. I kept telling myself, “You have exams in nine days that you need to study for, there’s no time to blog.”

Obviously that failed. I can’t not blog, it’s been a year. I’m used to it. 

Besides, it’s my last week in school this year, and it’s kinda freaking me out.

Like, I’m giving up Maths. Maths. A subject I have studied since I was literally four years old, and I’m not going to be doing it anymore.

Also, a lot of people will be leaving this week, and I’m singing in the leaving assembly, and…

There are a lot of things happening this week. A lot of changes.

And then my exams start! Yay…

Anyway, I hope you guys are having a great day, and maybe my hiatus will actually happen by the time my exams actually start.

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Just to Keep in Mind

Dear Emma,

I’m sorry that I’m doing this, but sadly I have to. 

I’m going on hiatus. Not for any personal reasons whatsoever so don’t worry. I still love blogging, I still love this community, but my exams start this week so I can’t promise regular posts, or even posts at all. 

I will probably still be reading and commenting on your posts, but I won’t be writing on here for a while. 

I hope I can write something every once in a while, but I won’t be back to my regular schedule for at least a month. 

I will still be managing the Treehouse because I won’t be writing anything for a while but I am still reviewing and approving guest posts, so please keep on submitting things – everything we’ve had so far is incredible! 

Anyway, if any of you are doing exams I hope they go super well and I wish you lots of luck!

Hopefully I’ll see you soon 🙂 

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Sadly, I Don’t Have a Life

Dear Emma, 

So I was attempting to find something interesting about my life to write about this week, but I actually couldn’t. 

There are about three weeks till exams start, so I pretty much don’t have a life at the moment. 

As I have probably said about a thousand times, I am so incredibly excited for summer. 

It kinda almost dispels the fear I’ve got for exams. 

Nope, not really. 

HOWEVER, I have heard that they are apparently opening a Disneyland in Britain, so I am very excited for that. 

Hope you guys are having an amazing week! 

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Singing! (Finally)

Dear Emma,

So yes, I understand that I should be revising, but I spent about an hour recording myself singing because I wanted to post it here for you guys.

So, here it is! I know you’ve all been asking for ages, so here is my singing. I have to admit, it’s not the best quality because my microphone went insane and I’m not sure I completely fixed it, but anyway…

I hope you enjoy 😉

Love from,
Tara

XXX

The Calm Before the Storm

Dear Emma,

So this week marked the glorious week where ALL my coursework was finished for EVERY subject, which is quite possibly the best thing to happen all year. 

I finally can focus on my exams, and nothing else. 

There’s an odd feeling of calm now, but I am aware that it’s just going to get more and more hectic from here on in.

But it’s nice to have some breathing time.

Also, I made a post on This and That this week, if you want to check that out! 

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Improvisation

Dear Emma,

So I’m currently sat in a dressing room about to go on stage for the last night of the school show, and what am I doing? Writing a blog post.

Probably not the best idea in the world, but I’m going to continue anyway. 

As I said, this week is the week of the school show, Calamity Jane, which I am performing in along with Littlegingee and a lot of my friends. I’m loving it so far and am definitely going to be sad when it’s over. 

They are forcing me to do ballroom dancing which is pretty terrifying, but I think I can deal with it.

Something rather exciting happened on Wednesday, though. 

This year I did not get any kind of part in the show (a moment of silence for the acting that I could have done) but I am in the chorus, which is a lot of fun, to be fair.

I still get to see my friends who are playing main parts and I don’t really mind that much. At least, I’ll keep telling myself that. 

Anyway, on Wednesday morning one of my friends burst into the Drama Studio half an hour before we were meant to go on and said, “My sister’s not here.” 

She was playing a relatively important part, and so we spent a considerable amount of time panicking a little. 

My drama teacher then came up to the studio, already up to date with the news, handed me a script and said, “Tara, can you learn all her lines in half an hour and perform as her to the primary school children this morning?” 

Understandably, I freaked out a little. Well, a lot. 

But then when my brain stopped telling me this was crazy, I realised that my opportunity to give a great performance and “save the show”, if you will, had just been handed to me on a plate. It would be ridiculous if I didn’t take it. 

So I worked like crazy to make sure I knew the lines and ran to the costume cupboard to find a dress to wear, and in half an hour I was on the stage performing.

It was actually so much fun! I was a bit terrified because I was obviously underehearsed but once I got over that I was able to have a lot of fun. Also, I was playing a bitchy character, which, if you do Drama, you’ll know is the most fun kind to play. 

All day people in the cast and crew came up to me and said, “well done for filling in!” It was like my fifteen minutes of fame. 

I am secretly hoping that the drama teachers were impressed enough to give me a better part next year…it was scary beforehand, I’ll admit. But once I was on stage I loved every minute 🙂

Besides, I had just seen one of my male friends go on stage and perform in a dress and heels, so how could I complain? 

Love from,

Tara

XXX
P.S. OMG IT FEELS SO GOOD TO SIGN MY NAME AT THE END

P.P.S I actually wrote this on Friday but I was so tired from the show I forgot about it!

One Year of Letters to Emma

Dear Emma,

Guess what?! Well, you probably don’t have to guess anything because the title of this post, but it’s fun to say that anyway.

That’s right, it has been one whole year since I started this blog. If you want to see my first ever post, exactly 366 days ago (it’s a leap year), it’s here. But don’t look at it for too long. I have definitely gotten better at blogging since I started 😉

Can we just take a moment to appreciate that. ME. I did something for a whole year without giving up. I’m pretty sure that’s a first in my life. I’m so proud of me.

Anyway, I didn’t spend three hours recording and editing this video to say everything I’m going to say in the written introduction. Oh, I haven’t mentioned the video yet.

Yes, as inspired by Elm and L, I have recorded my voice (I am just going to apologise now for how terrible it sounds) instead of writing, because I think I can talk better than I write.

But for some reason my microphone settings were up really high so every time I say the letter “P” or “D” or “F” or anything that rhymes, your ears may be a tiny bit assaulted.

ANYWAY, before I have apologised so much that you are expecting this to be terrible, here you go! Enjoy 🙂

What did you think? I am actually terrified of this being uploaded, so I want to know all of your opinions. Do you want me to do more things like this in the future? Or would you like me to burn this and never do it again? Let me know!

About the singing thing, I’m still not sure but maybe I shall do something in the future 😉

Also when editing this I realised that I didn’t shout out half the people I wanted to, so Aspen, Em, Ambi, Alex and everyone else, I’m sorry I forgot you. You are all amazing and I love what you do 🙂

I’m sorry for the bullshit pretentious conclusions that I sometimes come to in this, and for repeating myself about 1000 times over. I had to edit so much out of this because I was talking for so long…oops…

Anyway, (ready for another cringey conclusion),

Again, thank you all so so much for an amazing year, and hopefully there will be a lot more to come 😀

Love from,
Tara

XXX

 

 

 

400 Characters

Dear Emma,

So today was the last day of my school holidays. Sometimes I am actually excited to go back to school, but today is not one of those days.

Last term was pretty hectic, and I know that it’s going to get worse from here on in. This week was a nice break. In an ideal world it would go on forever, and then I can avoid my responsibilities for a while.

Sadly, that can’t happen. I’ve spent most of the week relaxing and seeing friends and… yeah that’s basically all I’ve done. So of course I left all my homework to the last minute, and I’ve been doing that for the past five hours.

And that “homework” also included writing my entry for the yearbook. I don’t know how you guys organise/organised your yearbooks but at my school we all have computer logins that we can use to upload pictures and writing.

The deadline is tomorrow, so me and my friends have spent today figuring out what the hell we’re  supposed to write.

Thing is, there’s a 400 character limit. It’s kinda hard to summarise nearly five years of memories into 400 characters. 

It made me realise that so much has happened that I physically can’t narrow it down. Categories like “favourite memory” and “most embarrassing moment” are really, really specific. 

There are so many things I could write in every category. Especially the embarrassing moments one…moving on. But I can’t pick a favourite, and I don’t think I ever will. 

Anyway,  I hope everyone had a good holiday and good luck for school 🙂 

By the way, something exciting is happening next week 😉

Love from,

XXX