But Then, Goodbyes Aren’t Simple

Dear Emma,

Oh, screw simple goodbyes.

Yeah, I definitely can’t leave without rambling one last time. I really don’t think I would be able to do it, and I’m pretty sure you are all used to it by now.

I have been wrestling with this decision all summer, because I was really proud of this blog and most of the things that I’ve created. I’ve spent a year and a half making posts and gathering followers and I’ve really really enjoyed every minute. I just didn’t want to throw it away.

The reason I’m choosing to stop this blog is simple: I don’t feel happy with my blog anymore. I feel too much pressure in what I’m posting, I feel like it’s too open and I can’t be honest. I’ve also unintentionally managed to create my blog around someone else – trust me, the amount of time I’ve been called Emma is unreal. I know that sounds really petty but I would really like to build my own identity.

I’ve met some amazing amazing new friends and genuinely lovely people; this community is a pretty special place here on the internet. I won’t mention many names but I really have made a friend for life in Elm. We’ve been friends for almost two years now and I’ve enjoyed every second. I could say so much about so many specific people because you have all been lovely, but I can’t say some and not others. Everyone here is so friendly, welcoming and damn talented.

Which is why I know I couldn’t leave completely.

Yes, I’m leaving Letters to Emma, but I will be starting another, brand-new blog, probably sometime soon, and that blog will be the one where I can finally talk about what want to talk about, rather than what I think I should talk about.

I am scared, because I will be completely starting again, and who knows how much of a success this new blog will be. I sure as hell don’t.

I won’t be posting the link or URL to my new blog here, because I really am starting again, but I will be telling my blogging friends, and if you are here on WordPress and you know me, I’m sure our paths will be crossing again sooner than you think.

However, if you do see me and think that I’m me, (sorry for the terrible English), please don’t just come out and say it – I do want this anonymity to last for a short while at least. You can message me and ask, but don’t leave it anywhere where everyone can see it.

I just want to say a massive thank you to all of you who are reading this right now, and thank you to all the people who have read, commented on or favourited my posts over the years. You are all such incredibly incredibly lovely people, and I am honoured that you took time out of your lives to read my ramblings on a blog in a small corner of the internet.

It’s weird. I started this blog as a girl of fourteen, not really sure how the world works and a mediocre writer of stories and blog posts.

Now I’m sixteen, I know a little bit more about how the world works, and I’d like to think that my writing skills have improved.

I’m at a new house, heading into a new chapter of my life, and I will always remember this blog as my first, regardless of what else I do in my life. I’ll miss you, everyone. It’s been fun.

Tara, did you really split your goodbye post into two parts just so your post total could reach 100 before you left?

Yes, yes I did.

 

Love from,
Tara

XXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Simple Goodbye

Dear Emma,

So, I guess this is it. I’ve decided to stop writing this blog. I’m keeping this goodbye short and sweet, because I’m effectively just coming back to shut things down and then I’ll be gone. In case you haven’t noticed, my return from hiatus wasn’t the most successful thing in the world. Or successful at all.

I’ve enjoyed this so so much, but now this doesn’t really feel right, not like it used to. There’s too much pressure, and I couldn’t do what I really wanted to.

I just want to say thank you, thank you to everyone who supported me in any way. It’s been amazing.

Love from,
Tara

XXX

 

 

 

 

Long Time, No See

Dear Emma,

Wow, it’s been a long time since I wrote those words. What is it, almost three months? That’s definitely way too long.

I’m slightly scared, to be honest, because I’ve basically forgotten what it’s like to blog, and I honestly feel like I’m starting again. Obviously that’s not true, because I still (hopefully) have all of you guys who’ve followed me, but I’m still vaguely intimidated. Especially seeing as I managed to somehow get more than 200 followers during my period of hiatus – thank you guys so much for that – which means that for a lot of you, this is the first time you’re reading a post I’ve written since you followed me.
So the pressure’s on for me.

I’m also slightly concerned about how easy it was for me to go on such a long hiatus; I remember when Elm and I planned our exam hiatus together, but then she lasted about two, three weeks – correct me if I’m wrong – but then I managed to stop for almost three months? And throughout that time, I grew quite unattached to my blog.

I’m not sure why or if I even wanted to, I just don’t think it’s the kind of blog I’d like to have right now. It just doesn’t seem right, and I’ll probably try to figure out what’s missing as best I can. I really don’t want to give up on this blog, because I’m still proud of a lot of my posts, and I definitely like my other blog, because it’s focused on one of my passions.

But I’m also pretty sure that all these doubts have come into my head over the past few months because I’ve forgotten what it’s like to continue blogging, so I’m not going to listen to them and just try to get back into posting regularly and connecting with the community like I used to.

Re-reading my old posts, even the ones from a few months ago, is really strange. I feel like I’ve changed a lot, and to be fair, a lot has happened in my life which I’ll have to talk about at some point soon.

But, I’m back to stay, for now at least.

How have you guys been doing? I’ve really missed the community and I promise I’ll be more active from now on.

Love from,
Tara

XXX

I Tried, I Really Did

Dear Emma, 

I’m back! Did you miss me? 

Probably not, because my so-called “hiatus” lasted the exact same amount of time that I normally leave between posts, so it probably felt like nothing.

I did try to stay on hiatus, I really did. I kept telling myself, “You have exams in nine days that you need to study for, there’s no time to blog.”

Obviously that failed. I can’t not blog, it’s been a year. I’m used to it. 

Besides, it’s my last week in school this year, and it’s kinda freaking me out.

Like, I’m giving up Maths. Maths. A subject I have studied since I was literally four years old, and I’m not going to be doing it anymore.

Also, a lot of people will be leaving this week, and I’m singing in the leaving assembly, and…

There are a lot of things happening this week. A lot of changes.

And then my exams start! Yay…

Anyway, I hope you guys are having a great day, and maybe my hiatus will actually happen by the time my exams actually start.

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Just to Keep in Mind

Dear Emma,

I’m sorry that I’m doing this, but sadly I have to. 

I’m going on hiatus. Not for any personal reasons whatsoever so don’t worry. I still love blogging, I still love this community, but my exams start this week so I can’t promise regular posts, or even posts at all. 

I will probably still be reading and commenting on your posts, but I won’t be writing on here for a while. 

I hope I can write something every once in a while, but I won’t be back to my regular schedule for at least a month. 

I will still be managing the Treehouse because I won’t be writing anything for a while but I am still reviewing and approving guest posts, so please keep on submitting things – everything we’ve had so far is incredible! 

Anyway, if any of you are doing exams I hope they go super well and I wish you lots of luck!

Hopefully I’ll see you soon 🙂 

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Sadly, I Don’t Have a Life

Dear Emma, 

So I was attempting to find something interesting about my life to write about this week, but I actually couldn’t. 

There are about three weeks till exams start, so I pretty much don’t have a life at the moment. 

As I have probably said about a thousand times, I am so incredibly excited for summer. 

It kinda almost dispels the fear I’ve got for exams. 

Nope, not really. 

HOWEVER, I have heard that they are apparently opening a Disneyland in Britain, so I am very excited for that. 

Hope you guys are having an amazing week! 

Love from,

Tara

XXX

The Race

Dear Emma,

Picture me this. We – and when I say we I mean all of us students – have been running in a race for the past few years. Maybe two, three, four even. 

But for once, we’re actually nearing the finish line. This is the point where we can see the goal on the horizon.

However, this is also the point where the panic begins to set in. 

Because between us and our goals there are so many hurdles, higher than anything we’ve ever jumped before. But they are also hurdles that we knew were coming, and they are hurdles we have been running our whole lives to jump. 

And suddenly the regret kicks in, and our pace slows as we think about all those times we stopped running to take a break or enjoy the scenery. 

We think about those times we stopped training because those hurdles seemed so far away, and pangs of guilt hit us like hailstones. 

There were so many opportunities to make those hurdles seem easier to climb. We start to panic, overtraining, over exerting, missing those times when those looming obstacles could be pushed to the back of our mind.

Sadly, we can’t do that anymore.

(To be continued)

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Worth Writing About

Dear Emma,

I’m going back to school tomorrow. Oh joy…

I’m actually feeling pretty apprehensive about the term to come, because at the end of it, I will have finished all of my incredibly important exams, which is both relieving and completely terrifying, because I’m not ready. 

Will I ever be ready? Probably not. Anyway, that’s besides the point.

As I have said, it was my birthday this week, and in the morning (along with many lovely messages from various people both in real life and from the internet) I got an email from Wattpad (side note: I don’t remember ever registering an account on there nor telling them my birth date, but anyway) wishing me happy birthday, and then it said, We hope that it’s a birthday worth writing about. 

Aside from the fact that it was obviously a shameless promo for you to write on their website, it actually made me think. Did I have a birthday worth writing about?

Forget that, do I have a life worth writing about? What does that even mean?

And then I thought, screw you, Wattpad. Everyone has a life worth writing about, and whether anyone else thinks so is completely irrelevant. Because everyone has a story to tell. And maybe not everyone in the universe will listen, but that shouldn’t make a difference. As long as the people that matter think your life is worth writing about, then it is.

Also, I’m sorry that Drag and Drop Stories failed completely this week. Me being an idiot picked a week where I was incredibly busy, had loads of revision to do and started our first huge group project. I will rectify that terrible mistake at some point.

Hope you are all having an amazing week, and good luck to you if you’re going back to school too 🙂 

Love from,

Tara

XXX

Drag and Drop Stories – Series Three: Part Four

Dear Emma,

Today’s prompt was suggested by Alex, and I really like it 😀

“Come on, Sam, it’s your turn.”

With those words, four pairs of eyes snapped up to look at me, accompanied by five grins of anticipation. “Come on,” echoed the chorus.

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, fine. Give it your best shot.”

Amy smirked. “Okay. Truth or dare.”

What is it that makes us decide how to answer that question? Most people say truth, especially when you have friends as intelligent as mine who can come up with the cruellest dares. But then if you have a burning secret, you could choose a dare out of fear. I guess there is no real easy option. Luckily, I don’t have that problem, because I know how to lie.

“Dare,” I said, then lounged back on the chair I sat on. I had given them something to be excited about: everyone else had chosen truth. Waiting while a group of teenage girls sit in a huddle is not an incredibly exciting experience, but for once, it was going to prove helpful.

Because for some reason, Grace’s hair was starting to change colour. Around two years ago, she dyed her mousy brown hair jet black, and we had all gotten used to her hair being the darkest out of our friends, but her normally subtle brown roots were suddenly getting more and more noticeable. It was like a tap had been turned on on her head and the black colour was vanishing like water down a drainpipe.

“Grace, what’s up with your hair?” I called to her back, and she whirled around, laughing. She reached a hand up to her face and her eyes widened. Instantly she ran from the room, but no-one seemed to notice.

I rose from my seat and walked over to the group, laughing. “Guys, how long does it take to come up with one dare?”

The three of them turned to face me, and I took a step backwards in shock. Before my eyes, braces appeared on Evie’s face, Amy’s face completely changed shape and Jess suddenly had to contend with a pair of glasses on the bridge of her nose, replacing the contacts I had gotten used to seeing her in.

And me? I realised that I was looking at the friends I had known three years ago.

“What the hell?” I said, stumbling backwards like my friends had all caught some kind of contagious disease. “Guys?”

Amy laughed and stood up. “What are you doing, Sam? We’re playing tag!” She then hit my forearm and suddenly everyone leapt away from me, squealing.

I started to walk out of the room, but was confronted at the door by Grace. At least, I thought it was Grace. The girl stood in front of me barely came up to my shoulders, and she had her hair in sandy brown pigtails. I looked again, and her two front teeth fell out as I stared. “Grace?

She looked at me and started giggling, running between my legs to join the others in the living room. They were all shrieking and jumping on the furniture, laughing like they were six years old again.

Maybe they were.

I didn’t understand. They were all shrinking. No, not shrinking, I reminded myself. Getting younger.

And I didn’t know how to stop it.

I have decided to skip yesterday’s story especially because I only have two prompts left. Sorry guys.

Love from,
Tara

XXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

Almost

Dear Emma,

Sorry guys, I haven’t had time to write anything today. Although to be fair I’ve spent the past eight hours travelling in and out of London to go to a concert.

Also it’s my birthday, so I shall write the story for tomorrow, I promise 🙂

Love from,

Tara

XXX