I Sing Like A Potato

Dear Emma,

Ugh. I feel so terrible about myself, and I don’t understand it.

Now, not to boast, but my singing voice is one of the things that I truly take pride in. I love singing, it’s one of my passions, and I would like to think that it’s one of the things I’m actually good at. There aren’t many, but I think that’s one of them.

Now yesterday I found some random audio mixing software on my laptop and I was playing around with singing and guitar-ing and harmonising and I did it for at least a solid hour until I was happy with what I had produced.

Today, I listened to it, and… well, I’m not going to say too much about it.

It really saddened me all day, because I thought I was actually okay, and it sounded terrible. I know that this seriously sounds like I’m whining, and I’m really sorry for whining.

It’s completely shattered my confidence. I was actually considering posting (yeah, shocking I know) what I recorded, but now I’m definitely not so sure. It’s one of the worst feelings to feel terrible about something that I considered myself vaguely above averagely good at.

It has actually made me feel terrible for a while, and it’s not just the singing. I’ve realised that there literally isn’t anything that I’m above averagely good at. I go through life being good-ish at everything (except sports and attractiveness) which means that I can do everything, but I never do anything amazingly. People do call that “being a good all-rounder” but I would rather have something that I was amazing at and sacrifice other things.

 

Look, I even made a graph. This is what people normally achieve in life, and I would genuinely prefer that. I wish I had some kind of talent, I really do.

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I hate it. I feel like there’s nothing that makes me special.

Love from,

XXX

P.S. On a brighter note, something exciting is happening this week 😉

400 Characters

Dear Emma,

So today was the last day of my school holidays. Sometimes I am actually excited to go back to school, but today is not one of those days.

Last term was pretty hectic, and I know that it’s going to get worse from here on in. This week was a nice break. In an ideal world it would go on forever, and then I can avoid my responsibilities for a while.

Sadly, that can’t happen. I’ve spent most of the week relaxing and seeing friends and… yeah that’s basically all I’ve done. So of course I left all my homework to the last minute, and I’ve been doing that for the past five hours.

And that “homework” also included writing my entry for the yearbook. I don’t know how you guys organise/organised your yearbooks but at my school we all have computer logins that we can use to upload pictures and writing.

The deadline is tomorrow, so me and my friends have spent today figuring out what the hell we’re  supposed to write.

Thing is, there’s a 400 character limit. It’s kinda hard to summarise nearly five years of memories into 400 characters. 

It made me realise that so much has happened that I physically can’t narrow it down. Categories like “favourite memory” and “most embarrassing moment” are really, really specific. 

There are so many things I could write in every category. Especially the embarrassing moments one…moving on. But I can’t pick a favourite, and I don’t think I ever will. 

Anyway,  I hope everyone had a good holiday and good luck for school 🙂 

By the way, something exciting is happening next week 😉

Love from,

XXX

 

 

The Social Media Blog Tag

Dear Emma,

So this tag was created by the lovely Chloe, and I am very excited to do it because it’s a really cool and original idea compared to all of the others rotating around the blogosphere. That’s given me a really weird mental image of a little earth with ideas whizzing around it.

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ANYWAY, tangent over, the rules of the tag are:

  • Thank the person that tagged you.
  • Choose a blog/blogger per category and explain why you chose them.
  • Optional – Finish off the explanation with a gif and/or a # which best describes them.

So I was nominated for this award by Elm (thank you so much 🙂 )
I could talk about you right now, but I shall save that for later…….

 

Each of these categories is named after a different social media and, although I have mixed opinions about social media, I love the way this tag works. But that’s a story for another time. ON WITH THE TAG!

Instagram – A Blog With a Design You Love

Chloe

Yes yes, I know that she created the tag, but that definitely doesn’t stop her from being nominated, because I love the design of her blog! The font and the headers work so well along with the black flowers and it’s so pretty. When I first went onto her site I just went giphy (1).gif

Facebook – A Blog With a Friendly Blogger

Elm

I didn’t even need to think about that one. I don’t think I’ve ever properly said it before, but Elm, I love you. You and I have become such good friends which is apparently bad according to some anonymous idiot but moving on throughout this past year (yes, it’s almost been a year, I can’t handle it either) and I don’t know what I’d do without you anymore. We’ve been through a lot together, and I’m so proud of you and your amazingly successful blog (even though you refuse to admit it 😉 ) I could probably nominate you for Youtube as well, but I won’t get possessive about it because that would be weird. Anyway, I love you. Keep doing what you’re doing and the rest of the blogosphere will just be like this for the rest of time. Elm, FYI it’s a picture of people bowing down 😉

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Twitter – A Blogger Who Could Write 140 Characters And You Would Still Love Them

Aspen

I love reading your posts, Aspen, they’re always really great or inspiring in some way. I’m sure you could write 140 characters and I’d still love it. Keep being you, Aspen, and I’ll keep cheering for you and supporting you.

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Youtube – A Blog You Are Convinced You Are The Number One Fan Of

3liittlebirds

Again, I didn’t have to think about this one. You’re one of my best friends in real life, and you are the reason I created my blog (thank you, by the way). Recently you’ve improved your blog so much – I love the new style and structure and I look forward to your posts every time. I’m always going to be here to support you and I have been from the beginning (you know, hence the category) and I’m so so so proud of you with everything you do. Here’s to more followers, more success and more blogging together in the future!

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Vine – A Blog You Haven’t Been Following For Long But You Still Obsess Over

This and That

Now this blog only came into existence this week, but I can already tell that it’s going to be amazing. My lovely friendy 3liittlebirds (see above), GeorgieGrl, Tash, HappyAlexx, InfinitMagic, Allison and Littleblog have come together to form an epic blog of collab-ness that I’m sure is going to be so popular because it’s such a good idea. I shall be reading the posts every day and obsessing about how good it will be!
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Snapchat – The Blogger Whose Updates You Can’t Wait For

Tash

Tash, I love your blog, your posts are so relatable and I’m a huge fan! And you’re such a nice person, you leave lovely comments on my posts and you’re always here to support me, and I’m here to support you too if you need me 🙂giphy (4)

Tumblr – A Blog That Keeps You Entertained

L

I love your posts, L, they’re so funny and relatable, but you also know how to be serious when you need to be. Fun fact, I tried to type your hyperlink and accidentally typed lifeofbling. Personally I think you should change your name to that.

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Pinterest – A Blog Which Is Full of Creativity and Inspiration

Em

Another one that I thought of instantly. Em, I’m such a huge fan of your blog, you always manage to inspire me or make me think. Your posts are so well written, they’re engaging and relatable, they’re always about something that I really connect to. You deserve all of the success you’re getting, and I will be sat here like this until you get back from hiatus.

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That was a lot of fun! For once I was actually excited to do a tag because it’s new, and it’s original. Once again well done to Chloe for coming up with such a good idea, and thanks to Elm for nominating me 🙂

I’m tagging everyone I nominate, including all the members of This and That, so I hope you have fun!

I shall exit like this kid on a skateboard. It feels like a metaphor for my life.

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Love from,

XXX

 

 

 

On The Day of Love

Dear Emma,

So as I’m sure you’re aware, today is Valentine’s Day. However you’ve spent your day (even if it was alone like me) I hope you’ve had a brilliant time 🙂

Actually, I wanted to say something about Valentine’s Day. Nowadays we dedicate it to spending time with the person we love most, showing them that we love them, and it’s generally just very coupley the whole time. Is coupley a word? Probably not.

Due to the fact that Valentines Day nowadays is so coupley, (it’s a new word, I’ve accepted it) many people don’t celebrate it, and actually resent it because they’re single and alone.

That really shouldn’t be the case. It’s the day of love, sure, but the word love has such a broad spectrum of meanings, and I think that people forget that.

As I’m sure some of you know, the Ancient Greeks had six words for love. Now that’s a good idea. There probably could be even more, but I thought I’d share them with you to show that you don’t have to be in a relationship to celebrate the day of love.

Pragma – This means “longstanding love,” the kind of relationship that withstands the test of time. People experiencing pragma use patience and tolerance: they make compromises to make the relationship work for both people. Typically it refers to married couples, but it could just as easily be close friendships or family relationships. There’s a really nice quote from psychologist Erich Fromm:

“We spend too much energy on “falling in love” and need to learn more how to “stand in love.”

Storge – This means “family love,” the love you feel for your parents, siblings or extended family. They’re usually the people you know best, and (hopefully) they know what’s best for you.

Philia – This means “deep friendship,” The Greeks valued this kind of love a lot more than romantic love. It had originated from the love and comradeship that soldiers felt on the battlefield, but nowadays I assume that it’s between friends. 

Eros – This means “sexual desire or passion,” and it’s the kind of love that we normally associate Valentines with, a romantic relationship. Actually, this is regarded as the most dangerous kind of love among the Greeks, because when you feel Eros you lose control. Make of that what you will. 

Ludus – This means “playful love,” and today it’s known as flirting. It’s the stage before the relationship gets serious. But it also could mean having fun with friends, which has apparently been rebranded banter. The Greeks always thought there should be some ludus in relationships. 

Agape – I think I like this one most of all. Agape means “love for everyone” or “love for humanity”. It’s a love that you extend to all people, whether you know them or not. It’s the feeling of empathy, that makes you have a connection with people you don’t know, because we are all sharing the human experience. 

I guess what I’m saying is that remember that love isn’t all about the Eros. Today you could be Storge’ing with your family, having great Ludus with your friends, or just reading the stories in this community and feeling some Agape for the world. 

Hope you had a good day of love, whatever kind it was ❤

Agape from,

XXX

 

 

 

 

Transitioning (Again)

Dear Emma,

So this week I found out that I was moving house. I mean, I knew that we’d been thinking about it because we’ve been to see our soon-to-be new house a few times, but my parents had been debating the decision for about a month or so.

I knew that it was probably going to happen, but it hadn’t really hit me until this weekend. We’ve been living in my current house for almost four years now. This may seem like a short time for you guys, but as a girl who moves around a lot – I’ve lived in nine houses so far and there will probably be many more – I’d say that’s some kind of a record.

And I’m attached to it. I love my room, I love the fact that we live in a bungalow because I am incredibly lazy ,  I love the garden, the fields around it, the fact that I can go to the bottom of the garden and stroke the horses, the long walks and woods around it, the feeling of walking down a country road on a summer’s day and listening to the birds in the bushes. I’m really going to miss it.

Yes, the new house is very nice, but it’s in an estate, and my current house is on a lane and I love the fact that it’s quiet. It always takes me a while to adjust to a new house, but this has been the longest I’ve stayed in a house for a while, and it’s going to be hard to go.

The move also coincides with me going to sixth form, which will be doubly scary. 

But I’ve taken the opportunity and spent hours on Pinterest designing my new bedroom, because that excites me. Should I do a post about my ideas? 

I guess I’ll be blogging about it more as we get closer to the move, but hopefully it will be okay.

Love from,

XXX

 

 

 

 

Shattered

Dear Emma,

I’m so so tired. This week has been more exhausting than any week has been for me in a long time. I don’t even think I was this tired when I had my mocks. I’ve been up till gone midnight every night this week because I had three massive pieces of coursework due in this week that I had to finish.

My teachers started to comment on how I was falling behind in their lessons, and I know I was, because I was prioritising this coursework over all of my other homework. Thankfully they were all okay with me saying I’ll catch it up after this week but they know I’m not normally like that. know I’m not normally like that.

Tonight I came home after work and just stopped. I’m looking at the clock now and it’s 10pm. I came home at 6, and I haven’t done anything since. I physically didn’t have the energy to. I just sat on my bed and vaguely watched TV but mainly I just stopped. I don’t even remember the time going by, I was so tired that I just couldn’t do anything.

It wasn’t even relaxing, I’m too exhausted to feel anything. And I have a lot of work to catch up on tomorrow.

Well, that’s a slight lie.

My feeling of being alone has started to creep up on me again, tonight more than ever. My sister has been incredibly social at the moment with all her friends outside of school, which has kinda increased that mood a lot. I just don’t feel…right. I haven’t for a long time.

If you’re reading this and you know me in real life, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to offend you or say you’re rubbish friends, because you’re not. I just don’t think this feeling of loneliness will ever go away at the moment.

It goes away and then comes back, but even when it goes away it’s still there in the back of my mind because I always think I’m bothering people, I’m interfering with their lives, they don’t want me around. Whenever I have a conversation with someone I’m scared that they’re realising that they don’t want to be around me anymore.

It’s solidified because a lot of the time now I feel out of place with my own friends, the people I trust most. I just feel like if they had to choose someone to cut out of their lives, it would be me they would sacrifice every time.

But I have to accept that, because I know that they all have people that mean more to them than I do, and that’s not going to change. I mean I’ve spent my whole life being second-best, why should it change now? I guess I’m used to not being special.

Do I try too hard? That’s my biggest worry. I always feel like the people I talk to are only talking to me to be polite and because they feel like they have to. I just have this thing in my brain that they think I’m too clingy, or talkative. I just don’t know.

I know I should be happy with what I have, and on some level, I am. I just know that this horrible jealous selfish feeling won’t go away for a long while.

Sorry for rambling, but it helps to get this off my chest.

Love from,

XXX

 

The Weight of the World

Dear Emma,

I’m sorry I haven’t been posting, I know I should, and I want to, but I’ve had a lot to do.

I have an exam tomorrow, and all of my coursework has to be in by Thursday, both of which are equally terrifying, and I haven’t had any time to do the things I like recently. 

When I’m not working or revising or just generally crying about life I shut down and I can’t concentrate on anything, which does irritate my family sometimes, but I can’t function 24/7. That’s physically impossible.

What’s worrying me is, it’s February. If I’m this stressed now, I’m going to be a wreck by exam season. I won’t be able to do it.

I just need to get through this week and then there’s a gap between coursework and exam season, so it should be fine.

Hopefully.

Love from,

XXX