Today I’ve decided to write about something that actually affects me a lot more than I thought it would.
You see, I’ve realised that I can be a bit of a pushover. I’ve never thought that my self-esteem was ridiculously low: I mean, I’ve had bad days. We all have. But I didn’t really realise how much I used to let people push me around. I’m actually surprisingly angry about it. I agreed with people even though my own opinions contradicted what they were saying. I lied, basically. I lied just so that I wouldn’t cause a conflict.
An example, and a Segway into the second topic in my title, is that I forgive people way too easily. Almost every time that someone has done something to offend me, I’ll instantly forgive them and just continue on. And while I completely understand that forgiveness is absolutely the right thing to do, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.
The thing is, if you are too easy to forgive, you can reach a stage in a relationship with someone where they feel like they have the power to hurt you in any way they choose to, and you will always forgive them and never “fight back”. And it is a seriously unhealthy kind of relationship.
I reached that stage in a few relationships in the past, but thankfully I saw sense and cut them off before something really damaging to my self-esteem happened.
Now, I’ve realised that there are situations where it is appropriate to forgive someone and move on, but there are also situations where the apology really shouldn’t be accepted until an equal, fair understanding between the two people involved has been reached. Especially when there has been a miscommunication or misunderstanding, and no-one has really seen both sides of the argument.
I’ve also realised that there are many different kinds of apology. There is the genuine sincere kind that comes from a place of caring and emotion and remorse, but then there are the obviously fake “let’s just get over it” kind of apology. The kind that come from a place of selfishness and egotism and just plain meanness.
If it takes a month for a person to apologise, they evidently don’t care about you enough to resolve your relationship. Also, if they choose to apologise to you, but then say “but”, and list the reasons why they were right to do what they did, that’s not an apology. That’s an excuse. That’s a weak attempt at trying to gain back your friendship.
I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t be a pushover, make sure that you cut unhealthy relationships out of your life, and only accept the genuine apologies. If they don’t know how to apologise, they’re not worth having in your life anyway. Also, there are some conflicts that are definitely worth facing, not avoiding.
And finally, as my mother always used to say, “If you have to tell someone to say sorry, they’re not really saying sorry at all.”